Someone made a post on their site today: What is the difference in obsession and determination? Here are the thoughts it triggered for me...
No one is harder on me than me. I use it to my advantage by analyzing my motives, thoughts, and feelings. There's a line between abusing oneself in those regards and in being a disciplined person. When a person has made a fair analysis, he or she can determine the most appropriate responses.
No one is perfect. We all foul up from time to time, some of us more than others. It's important to take the time to think through the event, the thoughts the event triggered, and the feelings triggered by the thoughts. When those have been analyzed, it's easier to determine a more appropriate response for the future. The next step is embracing this new response by visualizing it. Visualization is used all over the place, and it's main purpose is to reinforce the successful completion of a goal.
Then you let it go.
That's determination.
Obsession is the easier habit to practice. It's not healthy, and it isn't worth the time and energy that it consumes. Obsession doesn't think through events, thoughts, and feelings. Rather, it jumps around from one part to another, jumbling bits and pieces of the events, thoughts, and feelings around in the mind. It's unorganized and rarely comes to a positive conclusion. Due to the lack of organized thought, it consumes more time than determination.
Obsession also consumes more energy. This is due in part to the extended time spent thinking about the matter. The other reason it consumes more energy is that a person will relive the event, rethink the thoughts, and "re-feel" the emotions because they have come to no conclusion on resolving the issue. Instead, they keep spinning their minds trying to come to some form of acceptance, responsibility, and resolution without success.
It also gives way to less rational thought as a result of the disorganized thought. It is easier to think more abusive thoughts in a state of obsession. A person who looks at their mistake and then repeatedly refers to themselves as "stupid" for having made the mistake ultimately sets themselves back because they're not thinking rationally. It opens the door to making the same mistake again and tears down confidence and esteem.
Then the cycle repeats.
That's obsession.
In short, determination builds a better future; obsession dwells on the past.
As stated in other blogs, I generally write with my own benefit in mind. I write it and then read it as encouragement to myself, and if anyone else benefits along the way...that's just a bonus.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
What Others Think...
...really doesn't matter.
As with my other entries, I intend to read this myself. A lot.
What others think really doesn't matter because they aren't responsible for you. The important thing is being at peace with yourself. If you can look yourself in the mirror, in the eyes, and embrace hard truths about yourself, you're taking a step in the right direction.
Other people aren't responsible for the choices you make. They don't live with the consequences of your decisions. So it's really important to make decisions you can live with. It seems so simple in print, but when you face circumstances in real life that present troublesome decisions, it's easy to start focusing on how the response will affect every one else.
It could just be me. I admit it: I have an overwhelming tendency to seek not only the approval of others but also their admiration. It's evident in every facet of my life. The peace that I have found with this tendency is that I don't let it rule my actions. I still do things based on my own principles. Others disagree with them, sometimes. Those are the times I really struggle; I waste precious time and energy concerning myself with how others accept my actions...yet it wasn't important enough to change my action.
Sometimes this can be good, sometimes it can be bad. Maybe there's a habit I need to break, maybe there is a virtue that could use improving. I'm open to conviction and yield accordingly. The real question at the heart of the matter is where is peace inside me (you, whomever).
I am not shy about admitting that I used to see a therapist regularly. She helped me cope with some major milestones in my life, and she helped me develop better ways of thinking so I could live a healthy life. One of the things we discussed was being a peacemaker.
I confided in her that I feel so convicted to bring peace to situations in which I find myself. She pointed out that I could hardly bring peace to others if I didn't first have it within. Again, this is something that seems so simple in print, so obvious; yet, without her direction, I don't know that I'd have thought of being a peacemaker that way. Peace starts with me. In your own life, (conviction) starts with you.
In fact, whatever the key word or hot topic is that you're facing, it starts with you. Be the change you wish to see. If you're already doing this, you're ahead of this blog entry. Also, you might be facing something different...finding the strength to keep doing it! It can be hard to keep being the change you wish to see, but hopefully it gets easier with time and practice. If you're not, it's okay to be humble and admit a wrong. It took me a long time to get there, but it's a change I'll never regret.
Keep on keeping on. Identify the conviction: for me, it's bringing peace to others. Start with the one convicted. So for me, I'll start by being more forgiving of my own faults. It's hard to move past faults and grow from mistakes if one continually looks at mistakes rather than looking towards the goal.
I'm reminded of (dare I admit?) Runaway Bride: "Let us visualize. Be the ball. Sink the putt. Make the shot. Nothin' but net. Never say die." - Peggy Flemming Maybe it sounds silly, but visualizing it actually does help. Think about how you can handle that next convicting predicament, and when the test comes, remember that visualization and follow through. Stick to your convictions.
As with my other entries, I intend to read this myself. A lot.
What others think really doesn't matter because they aren't responsible for you. The important thing is being at peace with yourself. If you can look yourself in the mirror, in the eyes, and embrace hard truths about yourself, you're taking a step in the right direction.
Other people aren't responsible for the choices you make. They don't live with the consequences of your decisions. So it's really important to make decisions you can live with. It seems so simple in print, but when you face circumstances in real life that present troublesome decisions, it's easy to start focusing on how the response will affect every one else.
It could just be me. I admit it: I have an overwhelming tendency to seek not only the approval of others but also their admiration. It's evident in every facet of my life. The peace that I have found with this tendency is that I don't let it rule my actions. I still do things based on my own principles. Others disagree with them, sometimes. Those are the times I really struggle; I waste precious time and energy concerning myself with how others accept my actions...yet it wasn't important enough to change my action.
Sometimes this can be good, sometimes it can be bad. Maybe there's a habit I need to break, maybe there is a virtue that could use improving. I'm open to conviction and yield accordingly. The real question at the heart of the matter is where is peace inside me (you, whomever).
I am not shy about admitting that I used to see a therapist regularly. She helped me cope with some major milestones in my life, and she helped me develop better ways of thinking so I could live a healthy life. One of the things we discussed was being a peacemaker.
I confided in her that I feel so convicted to bring peace to situations in which I find myself. She pointed out that I could hardly bring peace to others if I didn't first have it within. Again, this is something that seems so simple in print, so obvious; yet, without her direction, I don't know that I'd have thought of being a peacemaker that way. Peace starts with me. In your own life, (conviction) starts with you.In fact, whatever the key word or hot topic is that you're facing, it starts with you. Be the change you wish to see. If you're already doing this, you're ahead of this blog entry. Also, you might be facing something different...finding the strength to keep doing it! It can be hard to keep being the change you wish to see, but hopefully it gets easier with time and practice. If you're not, it's okay to be humble and admit a wrong. It took me a long time to get there, but it's a change I'll never regret.
Keep on keeping on. Identify the conviction: for me, it's bringing peace to others. Start with the one convicted. So for me, I'll start by being more forgiving of my own faults. It's hard to move past faults and grow from mistakes if one continually looks at mistakes rather than looking towards the goal. I'm reminded of (dare I admit?) Runaway Bride: "Let us visualize. Be the ball. Sink the putt. Make the shot. Nothin' but net. Never say die." - Peggy Flemming Maybe it sounds silly, but visualizing it actually does help. Think about how you can handle that next convicting predicament, and when the test comes, remember that visualization and follow through. Stick to your convictions.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Who Says Beauty is Only Skin Deep?
In short, it's not about your number, it's how you wear it. Society tells us lies that we don't need to buy into. Make decisions that guarantee your own happiness, and don't lose hope in working toward those goals.
The long explanation:
I work in fashion. This is totally outside of my character, and it used to be outside of my comfort zone. Thankfully, I have adapted, and I have learned so much about fashion since I have learned to merge it with functionality and sensibility. I used to hear the word fashion and perceive it as being without intelligence, function, or sensibility. Formerly, I perceived it as vanity, and I could not understand why the world, employers in particular, placed so much emphasis on looks.
It has never seemed proper to me to make assumptions about a person based on what they look like. I do not care to judge people, and certainly not so for what they appear to be. I have since learned that stereotypes are often (not always) true, and they exist with reason. The unfair judgements based on them come from individuals.
It happens several times a week: in helping a customer shop for their clothes, they are hesitant to tell me their size so that I might help them find the item they seek. It is an understandable tendency, as particularly women (and even moreso, young women) are so often insecure about their bodies.
So here's what I want to say to the world today: it's not about your number. Your size doesn't matter, and your weight doesn't matter. It's all about how you wear it.
When a person wears clothes that are too snug, the size of their body is more obvious because it's not well encompassed. It doesn't look good to walk around with your belly being squeezed over the waist of your jeans. Those jeans may be a 5/6, but they make it obvious that the wearer is not! It doesn't matter if you're a 9/10 or 17/18 when you're wearing the jeans that are also a 9/10 or 17/18 because they complement the body; they make the size of the body less obvious. Likewise, wearing clothes that are too big are also unflattering as they make a person look larger than they are.
That's about actually wearing it. Here's the other side of wearing it:
Without over-analyzing anything, it's safe to say that our basic tastes and choices say something about our personalities, about the maturity of our minds, and about our priorities. As I said before, it's unfair to assume things about people, but a lot of choices we make suggest things about who we are.
A 9/10 squeezing into a 5/6 suggests that the person wishes to be smaller. A 9/10 consistently wearing a 13/14 suggests that the person is uncomfortable with their size, even though they may be a very fit 9/10. It could just mean that the person doesn't have money to buy new clothes since they have gained/lost weight. The baggy-clothes wearer could just be insecure about being observed by any passer-by.
How you wear it isn't just on the outside; it's on the inside too. Having a positive attitude, being flexible to changing circumstances, being confident in yourself (this is different than being confident in what others perceive about you), and being able to laugh often and love much all make the clothes look better. Don't rely on clothes to make you look better; be the one to make the clothes look better.
Vanity doesn't come from looking good, it comes from caring too much about looking good. Vanity isn't making perceptions based on looks, it's making judgements based on looks. Judgement is different than perception. Judgement changes the way you interact with people and make decisions and makes assumptions. Judgement changes reality, but perceptions are changed by reality.
Haven't you ever heard someone say about another person "they have a great personality"? Often this is used in reference to a perceived "flaw" in that person's appearance. But haven't you also heard someone say "one man's junk is another man's treasure?" What one person casts aside as an unattractive trait, another person sees as beauty. It's all about experience and perception. We see it where we want it to be.
So as we head into the new year, many people are resolving to make healthier choices. Believe that you can! Stick with it even when you don't want to choose healthy! But don't let society tell you you're too big or you're too small. You're fine just the way you are; let your healthy choices start from the inside to change the outside. If you're concerned about what someone else thinks about you, let me remind you that other people's perceptions start with what we allow them to see. If we're boasting our flaws, it's the first thing they notice.
So if you're starting the new year by trying to lose weight, let me offer you some hope and insight. In 2002(ish), I weighed the most I ever had: 170 lbs. If you were to see me now, you'd have a hard time believing that. I was in an unhealthy relationship, I quit working out, I was drinking a 12 pack of cokes (sodas, for anyone not from the South) a day, and I was unguarded about the foods I ate. Worse than all of that, I wasn't happy and it showed.
I began doing some self-reflection and digging myself out of the pit that had become depressing, demotivating, and pitiful. I quit feeling sorry for myself, and I quit judging myself because of my poor decisions. By pinpointing the triggers, I was able to slowly apply discipline to making healthier decisions. I started by evaluating my personality and my life.
I found reasons to have confidence and be proud of who I was, regardless of how much I weighed. Coming out of the troublesome relationship offered healing to my mind of the negative thoughts I had begun to believe. I determined what was true and what was false.
I set a limit to the amount of coke, and I held myself accountable. Slowly, I lowered the number of cokes I could have a day. By learning about nutrition and how to incorporate that into my meals, I found ways to eat healthy and still eat delicious food. Developing self-control determined my portions of coke and food. Self observation found that hunger wasn't dictating my eating habits--anxiety and a lack of self control were.
I designed a workout schedule and routine that I could handle and set small goals. As goals were met, I set my standards higher. I learned to be patient while waiting for results. When I stopped thinking about what others were expecting of me, it became easier to be patient with myself, and it actually made the goals easier to reach because I had more energy from all the worrying I wasn't doing anymore.
In conclusion, hang in there. Be proud of who you are. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” (Mahatma Gandhi) I did warn you that it was a long explanation.
The long explanation:
I work in fashion. This is totally outside of my character, and it used to be outside of my comfort zone. Thankfully, I have adapted, and I have learned so much about fashion since I have learned to merge it with functionality and sensibility. I used to hear the word fashion and perceive it as being without intelligence, function, or sensibility. Formerly, I perceived it as vanity, and I could not understand why the world, employers in particular, placed so much emphasis on looks.
It has never seemed proper to me to make assumptions about a person based on what they look like. I do not care to judge people, and certainly not so for what they appear to be. I have since learned that stereotypes are often (not always) true, and they exist with reason. The unfair judgements based on them come from individuals.
It happens several times a week: in helping a customer shop for their clothes, they are hesitant to tell me their size so that I might help them find the item they seek. It is an understandable tendency, as particularly women (and even moreso, young women) are so often insecure about their bodies.
So here's what I want to say to the world today: it's not about your number. Your size doesn't matter, and your weight doesn't matter. It's all about how you wear it.
When a person wears clothes that are too snug, the size of their body is more obvious because it's not well encompassed. It doesn't look good to walk around with your belly being squeezed over the waist of your jeans. Those jeans may be a 5/6, but they make it obvious that the wearer is not! It doesn't matter if you're a 9/10 or 17/18 when you're wearing the jeans that are also a 9/10 or 17/18 because they complement the body; they make the size of the body less obvious. Likewise, wearing clothes that are too big are also unflattering as they make a person look larger than they are.
That's about actually wearing it. Here's the other side of wearing it:
Without over-analyzing anything, it's safe to say that our basic tastes and choices say something about our personalities, about the maturity of our minds, and about our priorities. As I said before, it's unfair to assume things about people, but a lot of choices we make suggest things about who we are.
A 9/10 squeezing into a 5/6 suggests that the person wishes to be smaller. A 9/10 consistently wearing a 13/14 suggests that the person is uncomfortable with their size, even though they may be a very fit 9/10. It could just mean that the person doesn't have money to buy new clothes since they have gained/lost weight. The baggy-clothes wearer could just be insecure about being observed by any passer-by.
How you wear it isn't just on the outside; it's on the inside too. Having a positive attitude, being flexible to changing circumstances, being confident in yourself (this is different than being confident in what others perceive about you), and being able to laugh often and love much all make the clothes look better. Don't rely on clothes to make you look better; be the one to make the clothes look better.Vanity doesn't come from looking good, it comes from caring too much about looking good. Vanity isn't making perceptions based on looks, it's making judgements based on looks. Judgement is different than perception. Judgement changes the way you interact with people and make decisions and makes assumptions. Judgement changes reality, but perceptions are changed by reality.
Haven't you ever heard someone say about another person "they have a great personality"? Often this is used in reference to a perceived "flaw" in that person's appearance. But haven't you also heard someone say "one man's junk is another man's treasure?" What one person casts aside as an unattractive trait, another person sees as beauty. It's all about experience and perception. We see it where we want it to be.
So as we head into the new year, many people are resolving to make healthier choices. Believe that you can! Stick with it even when you don't want to choose healthy! But don't let society tell you you're too big or you're too small. You're fine just the way you are; let your healthy choices start from the inside to change the outside. If you're concerned about what someone else thinks about you, let me remind you that other people's perceptions start with what we allow them to see. If we're boasting our flaws, it's the first thing they notice.
So if you're starting the new year by trying to lose weight, let me offer you some hope and insight. In 2002(ish), I weighed the most I ever had: 170 lbs. If you were to see me now, you'd have a hard time believing that. I was in an unhealthy relationship, I quit working out, I was drinking a 12 pack of cokes (sodas, for anyone not from the South) a day, and I was unguarded about the foods I ate. Worse than all of that, I wasn't happy and it showed.I began doing some self-reflection and digging myself out of the pit that had become depressing, demotivating, and pitiful. I quit feeling sorry for myself, and I quit judging myself because of my poor decisions. By pinpointing the triggers, I was able to slowly apply discipline to making healthier decisions. I started by evaluating my personality and my life. I found reasons to have confidence and be proud of who I was, regardless of how much I weighed. Coming out of the troublesome relationship offered healing to my mind of the negative thoughts I had begun to believe. I determined what was true and what was false.
I set a limit to the amount of coke, and I held myself accountable. Slowly, I lowered the number of cokes I could have a day. By learning about nutrition and how to incorporate that into my meals, I found ways to eat healthy and still eat delicious food. Developing self-control determined my portions of coke and food. Self observation found that hunger wasn't dictating my eating habits--anxiety and a lack of self control were.
I designed a workout schedule and routine that I could handle and set small goals. As goals were met, I set my standards higher. I learned to be patient while waiting for results. When I stopped thinking about what others were expecting of me, it became easier to be patient with myself, and it actually made the goals easier to reach because I had more energy from all the worrying I wasn't doing anymore.In conclusion, hang in there. Be proud of who you are. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” (Mahatma Gandhi) I did warn you that it was a long explanation.
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