Who Says Beauty is Only Skin Deep?

In short, it's not about your number, it's how you wear it. Society tells us lies that we don't need to buy into. Make decisions that guarantee your own happiness, and don't lose hope in working toward those goals.

The long explanation:

I work in fashion. This is totally outside of my character, and it used to be outside of my comfort zone. Thankfully, I have adapted, and I have learned so much about fashion since I have learned to merge it with functionality and sensibility. I used to hear the word fashion and perceive it as being without intelligence, function, or sensibility. Formerly, I perceived it as vanity, and I could not understand why the world, employers in particular, placed so much emphasis on looks.

It has never seemed proper to me to make assumptions about a person based on what they look like. I do not care to judge people, and certainly not so for what they appear to be. I have since learned that stereotypes are often (not always) true, and they exist with reason. The unfair judgements based on them come from individuals.

It happens several times a week: in helping a customer shop for their clothes, they are hesitant to tell me their size so that I might help them find the item they seek. It is an understandable tendency, as particularly women (and even moreso, young women) are so often insecure about their bodies.

So here's what I want to say to the world today: it's not about your number. Your size doesn't matter, and your weight doesn't matter. It's all about how you wear it.

When a person wears clothes that are too snug, the size of their body is more obvious because it's not well encompassed. It doesn't look good to walk around with your belly being squeezed over the waist of your jeans. Those jeans may be a 5/6, but they make it obvious that the wearer is not! It doesn't matter if you're a 9/10 or 17/18 when you're wearing the jeans that are also a 9/10 or 17/18 because they complement the body; they make the size of the body less obvious. Likewise, wearing clothes that are too big are also unflattering as they make a person look larger than they are.

That's about actually wearing it. Here's the other side of wearing it:

Without over-analyzing anything, it's safe to say that our basic tastes and choices say something about our personalities, about the maturity of our minds, and about our priorities. As I said before, it's unfair to assume things about people, but a lot of choices we make suggest things about who we are.

A 9/10 squeezing into a 5/6 suggests that the person wishes to be smaller. A 9/10 consistently wearing a 13/14 suggests that the person is uncomfortable with their size, even though they may be a very fit 9/10. It could just mean that the person doesn't have money to buy new clothes since they have gained/lost weight. The baggy-clothes wearer could just be insecure about being observed by any passer-by.

How you wear it isn't just on the outside; it's on the inside too. Having a positive attitude, being flexible to changing circumstances, being confident in yourself (this is different than being confident in what others perceive about you), and being able to laugh often and love much all make the clothes look better. Don't rely on clothes to make you look better; be the one to make the clothes look better.

Vanity doesn't come from looking good, it comes from caring too much about looking good. Vanity isn't making perceptions based on looks, it's making judgements based on looks. Judgement is different than perception. Judgement changes the way you interact with people and make decisions and makes assumptions. Judgement changes reality, but perceptions are changed by reality.

Haven't you ever heard someone say about another person "they have a great personality"? Often this is used in reference to a perceived "flaw" in that person's appearance. But haven't you also heard someone say "one man's junk is another man's treasure?" What one person casts aside as an unattractive trait, another person sees as beauty. It's all about experience and perception. We see it where we want it to be.

So as we head into the new year, many people are resolving to make healthier choices. Believe that you can! Stick with it even when you don't want to choose healthy! But don't let society tell you you're too big or you're too small. You're fine just the way you are; let your healthy choices start from the inside to change the outside. If you're concerned about what someone else thinks about you, let me remind you that other people's perceptions start with what we allow them to see. If we're boasting our flaws, it's the first thing they notice.

So if you're starting the new year by trying to lose weight, let me offer you some hope and insight. In 2002(ish), I weighed the most I ever had: 170 lbs. If you were to see me now, you'd have a hard time believing that. I was in an unhealthy relationship, I quit working out, I was drinking a 12 pack of cokes (sodas, for anyone not from the South) a day, and I was unguarded about the foods I ate. Worse than all of that, I wasn't happy and it showed.

I began doing some self-reflection and digging myself out of the pit that had become depressing, demotivating, and pitiful. I quit feeling sorry for myself, and I quit judging myself because of my poor decisions. By pinpointing the triggers, I was able to slowly apply discipline to making healthier decisions. I started by evaluating my personality and my life.

I found reasons to have confidence and be proud of who I was, regardless of how much I weighed. Coming out of the troublesome relationship offered healing to my mind of the negative thoughts I had begun to believe. I determined what was true and what was false.

I set a limit to the amount of coke, and I held myself accountable. Slowly, I lowered the number of cokes I could have a day. By learning about nutrition and how to incorporate that into my meals, I found ways to eat healthy and still eat delicious food. Developing self-control determined my portions of coke and food. Self observation found that hunger wasn't dictating my eating habits--anxiety and a lack of self control were.

I designed a workout schedule and routine that I could handle and set small goals. As goals were met, I set my standards higher. I learned to be patient while waiting for results. When I stopped thinking about what others were expecting of me, it became easier to be patient with myself, and it actually made the goals easier to reach because I had more energy from all the worrying I wasn't doing anymore.

In conclusion, hang in there. Be proud of who you are. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” (Mahatma Gandhi) I did warn you that it was a long explanation.